Fourth Decade: Sucking the marrow out of life since 1969.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

30-Day Recap

Someone recently asked me how things were going? 

I answered with a lyric: "It's like having every dream I've ever wanted come true..."

@Ricos_ (formerly The LD Man, who needed a new name because we live together now!) sent me this song shortly before we first met. And I melted then, and I melt now.

We've been so busy moving and acclimating ourselves to everything and life with each other, that I haven't really been able to capture it in words. But I've been living every moment to the fullest, I can assure you of that. I've found my other half. @Ricos_ is by far the most interesting and compelling man I've ever met. Even if he never tweets.

It isn't just that he thinks the world of me, although of course that goes a long way in making me feel at ease. He's the friend I've always wanted to do things with. 

Go to Boston and see historic sites? Yes. Drive up the coast of Maine? Yes. Go to Cooperstown? Yes. Go to Fenway? Yes. Go to the beach in the off season? Yes. Go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Yes. Go to Ireland, Scotland, Italy? Yes. Yes. Yes. Go live in a remote section of the wilderness and survive off the land, however unrealistic that may sound? Yes! He is on board.

Is there anything I want to do that this man isn't also interested in doing? No! I can't tell you how much I love that.

But it is his endless capacity for understanding, his gentle ways with the animals, and his insatiable, personal quest for knowledge that bring me to the brink of that location in my heart I really never intended to visit again: Love's Cascading Falls. I've been pushed right over the edge without a barrel of hesitation. My previous dark ride has turned wild and full of laughter.

He is not perfect. What a relief, because hell knows neither am I. We all have flaws. What makes it real is that I don't care about his flaws. I love him in spite of them, And in fact, some of the quirks he doesn't like about himself are endearing to me. Like how he rambles a bit after a 2nd cup of coffee. I love that. Or how he needs to tell me again how beautiful I am, apologizing for repeating himself. Or how we need each other's kisses at the most challenging of moments in our days. As if a kiss can sustain our belief that it'll be all right.

Are you kidding me? Repeat on, my love, repeat on. This is the stuff of which dreams are made. Real dreams, not the ones in the movies.

There are problems, there are challenges, and life is not exactly easy right now. I feel so bad for him because he's struggling with some really nasty pollen allergies. And we're struggling with a lousy 1st month rental situation that includes unresolved plumbing issues, electrical rewiring, a broken washing machine, and a landlord who appears to be just a regular joe yet is as out of touch as the previous landlord doctors I had.

I am so fortunate that @Ricos_ has been able to handle all of the issues. Especially, that he is here for our dear 14 year old dog. Lo has some real bad days and some good days left in her. And every day we take stock of her quality of life. She still wags her tail and eats like an NFL linebacker, so we know that although her back legs may be weak, her spirit and heart are strong.

And work...

Well, I have to make some decisions about my future. Short of winning the lottery, I have to decide which track to take and I must admit I'm a little afraid of the unknown.

I've built a team from scratch and they function so well together that it is like a well-oiled machine. Now the company wants me to see if that setup can apply to other sites. The problem is the other sites do things differently, and people there are very happy with the old standard practices. I've never seen myself as the type who could go in and changes things and get people to support it. I'm really much more of a "here's what works for me but your mileage may vary" type of person. That doesn't fly in business.

So if I let go of the development of my team to go on to be the editor across different sites, I take a step out of my comfort zone.

And all the fear comes back to one thing, believe it or not. It isn't whether or not I'm loved, because wow, I've got that covered now - I am loved! And why isn't that enough?

Because I still struggle with one damn thing:

Being fat.

@Ricos_ and I have joined a gym. Lucky for us, this po'dunk town has very few restaurants, one grocery store, and a 24/7 gym. Just what the doctor ordered.

If you know me from my last blog, you know I came to love and even crave my workouts. And you know I reached a point where I said "Even if I never lose another pound, I'm going to at least be physically active."

That philosophy remains, but really...deep down inside....I want to lose pounds. I need to lose pounds.

I have found another chance at love. I want to be healthy for that love to last as long as possible.

"If only you believe in I do baby...."

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