Taking Stock

I have been completely self-absorbed which oddly enough, left little time to self-reflect.

The logistics and preparations to move consume me in such strange, messed up ways. I stop communicating with people. I stop writing. I start to traipsed down memory lane with each book and CD and DVD I pack as if I have all the time in the world to reminisce. I don't know why I do this.

I tried not to do this, instead just putting them in a box quickly. But I saw one that I really didn't want to own anymore and that was it, before the dogs could bark "hey what about dinner," I was sorting out every single item. I strongly feel that moving is NOT the time to take stock of what you've accumulated, yet that is exactly what I do. The added pressure is not a good thing.

The LD man arrives tonight. We are both excited 40-year-olds who are feeling 20 years younger. Let's hope we don't pull a collective muscle in our exuberance. There is a sense between us that this feels so right that we don't have big fears left, just nervous anticipation.

Of course, reality never matches what the mind conjures. However, psychology/philosophy is always telling people to "envision what it is you want and you will bring it to you." We've been envisioning for 2 months; time to put our cards on the table.

I've never had a man in my life who wanted to put me first. Even typing it, it feels like a selfish thought when taken out of context. Yet here is a man who wants to do (and is doing) exactly that. I'm not talking about putting me before himself, because that's a warning sign of co-dependency and we all need to take care of ourselves first. But I'm talking about being first before someone else or something else in their lives.

I've played 2nd fiddle to some workaholics. Admirable was their love for their jobs, but unfulfilled for me to be their secondary love interest. I've also been 3rd, 4th, and even 5th to other people in their lives. Again, understandable, expected, and admirable as parents and children must often come first, and who doesn't want someone who takes care of their elders/offspring, but I always felt left out and then guilty for wanting more for myself.

So, it really is a brand new feeling to hear and see a man who lists me as his #1 priority, AND I get to feel awesome about it. Right now, along with his long list of compatible traits (including but not limited to his very important ability to quote 80s movies and lyrics), I would say his interest in me is what sets him so far above any of the other suitors I've had in the recent past. And likewise, my curiosity for him is limitless. He reads like a book I never want to put down.

For those of you concerned about my safety, thank you. Trust me, I'm old school at this, and I have all precautions in place. And I'll be tweeting regularly. Feel free to follow the feed, but I won't be tweeting JUST to tweet. I hope to hell I'll be a little too preoccupied instead!

So, you'd like to know the weekend's timeline? Well, I'd guesstimate, 24 hours from now, we'll know if what we've been thinking we feel for two months is real. And 48 hours from now, we'll know if we can stand each other's company when the excitement wears off a bit. And 72 hours from now, there will either be a content new couple in the world or two frustrated people destined just to be friends.

My eyes are wide open. Time will tell, my friends. Time will tell.